Carlos was passionate about his business. He could barely believe that four decades had passed since he built it from the ground up. He had watched with pride as each son and then his daughter came of age, entered the company, grew into leadership roles, and took ownership of key divisions. Now, his company was one of the country’s top five grape producers, and he wanted the company to continue thriving after he stepped down and leadership passed to his children and eventually to his grandchildren and future generations. Although family businesses often are fraught with challenges, Carlos was relieved and proud that his business operated well, like a tightly knit team.
Unfortunately, the harmony was an illusion. As Carlos edged closer to retirement, the tensions simmered hotter. Jorge, having more seniority than his siblings, believed he should take over as CEO. His sister Fernanda believed she should take the role, given her intentions to modernize operations and expand the company’s reach globally. Meanwhile, Alejandro, the remaining sibling, felt sidelined and unappreciated despite having revolutionized the company’s branding through eco-friendly packaging.
Yet, none of the siblings dared voice their visions or complaints. Day by day, they tiptoed around the elephant in the room: Who would take the helm when Carlos retired? What direction should the business take? Over time, the silence soured into resentment, distrust, and alienation. They began withholding their best efforts to protect their own interests. The once-thriving company started losing its competitive edge.
Despite Carlos’s efforts to run a harmonious business, one key element was missing: a structured mechanism for profound dialogue. He had never formally encouraged open discussions, assuming that silence meant alignment. But without explicit spaces for conversation, and no training on handling them, there was no real avenue to express their concerns. This lack of proactive communication made them believe they were operating as a united team when they were silently growing apart.
“Silence particularly tends to arise in high-stakes situations, such as leadership transitions, unequal power dynamics, or in cases when family members have different visions for the business... silence also tends to arise in cases of disparate compensation or profit distribution”
This story is not unique. Conflict is a natural part of relationships and work, including family businesses. But rather than addressing disagreements openly, many families resort to silence to avoid making things worse, to keep the peace, or to navigate generational hierarchies. Emotional entanglement and role confusion—common in family businesses—further complicate matters, making family members even more hesitant to speak up. As in the case of Carlos’s company, silence in family businesses erodes trust, and emotional well-being, and can even threaten organizational competitiveness and financial stability.
| WHY FAMILY MEMBERS CHOOSE SILENCE
Family businesses, perhaps more than other types of businesses, grapple with silence rooted in unspoken conflicts, emotional entanglements, and fear of confrontation due to the close relationships and long interpersonal histories involved. Silence particularly tends to arise in high-stakes situations, such as leadership transitions, unequal power dynamics, or in cases when family members have different visions for the business. For example, as in the case of Fernanda and Jorge, family members have conflicting views about the company’s future but choose silence over direct discussion to avoid confrontation. Silence also tends to arise in cases of disparate compensation or profit distribution. In these cases, family members suppress their grievances, believing avoidance will preserve harmony and prevent disruption. The irony is that silence inadvertently creates deeper rifts.
One of the most common issues affected by silence in family businesses is succession planning. Silence takes hold for various reasons: current leaders worry that discussing their eventual departure would undermine their authority or create tension, while younger family members may be uncertain about how to express their readiness or desire to take on leadership roles. These unspoken fears can breed mutual resentment, anxiety, and inaction, leading to missed opportunities for preparation and transition.
“...the main reason family businesses fail is poor communication. According to a study by Williams Group, which analyzed more than 250 families, 60% of business succession failures are due to communication issues and lack of trust between generations”
However, these issues can be mitigated when the patriarch or matriarch actively fosters dialogue and makes an explicit effort to develop the skill of facing these conversations, the real question is, “Can we trust each other?”. In families where structured conversations are encouraged, younger generations feel more empowered to express their aspirations and worries. But in many cases—such as Carlos’s family—these conversations do not happen. Instead, a false sense of communication emerges because family members see each other daily and work together, they assume they are aligned. In reality, they are avoiding the hardest conversations, which later explode into crises.
After all, the main reason family businesses fail is poor communication. According to a study by Williams Group, which analyzed more than 250 families, 60% of business succession failures are due to communication issues and lack of trust between generations.
| THE SYMPTOMS AND COSTS OF SILENCE
Silence shows up in various ways in family businesses, such as avoiding key conversations or withholding their best ideas. Operationally, symptoms can include unclear roles, inefficiencies, and neglecting to hold others accountable, such as choosing not to challenge poor leadership decisions. These symptoms are merely the observable signs that even more costly impacts are wreaking havoc on the organization.
Silence exacts psychological and emotional costs, such as elevated stress, anxiety, and resentment. Management professor and family business expert Dr. W. Gibb Dyer, Jr., noted that when silence masks unresolved conflicts, the resulting toxic family environment harms both the business and family well-being. Take the case of Ricardo, an operations manager and second-born son within a well-established family-owned electronics manufacturer. Despite consistent performance, Ricardo’s contributions were progressively overshadowed by his brother Luis, who had ambitious visions for expansion. Rather than openly confronting the issue, Ricardo silently tolerated Luis’s behavior, hoping despite his growing frustration that things would improve. Instead, Luis’s ambition led to mismanagement, critical oversights, and significant financial loss. These adverse effects deepened Ricardo’s resentment, further eroding trust and collaboration within the family. The reduced communication, teamwork, and collaboration produced its costs in the form of impaired organizational agility and efficiency.
As Ricardo’s story indicates, the organizational costs of silence are many. In addition to diminished competitiveness, financial performance, agility, and efficiency as described earlier, other organizational costs of silence include delayed action, groupthink and suboptimal decision-making, and compromised business growth. Family businesses also are susceptible to strategic missteps because leadership often is concentrated in the hands of a few (often older) individuals. When these leaders fail to include younger family members in decision-making, the silencing of fresh perspectives and innovative ideas can ultimately lead to mismanagement, misallocation of resources, lost opportunities for growth, and a general sense of confusion. As one leader at a client organization recently confided to me, “I have many bosses. The worst of it is that all of them have different objectives, and I don't know who to follow.” Silence rooted in simmering family conflicts also complicates and increases costs for hiring and retention of nonfamily employees due to impressions that career success at the company relies on favoritism rather than merit.
Based on a survey of over 1,000 organizations, researcher and co-author of Crucial Accountability Dr. Joseph Grenny estimated the cost of silence around crucial issues to total over $1 trillion in lost productivity for U.S. businesses each year, with the cost of silence per person totaling $10,000-$50,000.
Crucial Accountability
In this updated second edition (first edition titled "Crucial Confrontations"), you'll learn how to hold anyone accountable...
| BREAKING THE SILENCE: STRATEGIES FOR IMPROVING COMMUNICATION IN FAMILY BUSINESSES
Overcoming silence is an essential tactic for the long-term health and performance of any family business. Three particular tactics I use with clients to provide actionable strategies to tackle sensitive issues, strengthen relationships, and create a transparent, thriving business culture across generations include:
1 Create a Culture and Practices for Open Communication
To overcome silence in family businesses, cultivate an environment where family members feel safe discussing issues openly, including "the elephant in the room." Some of these frequent topics that I encounter in my practice are hidden feelings, resentments, assumptions, underperforming, power battles, decision-making on key topics, or even more sensitive issues like substance abuse, financial control, succession planning, or interpersonal conflicts. Open communication prevents misunderstandings, addresses hidden tensions, and enables proactive problem-solving. Regular family meetings could be scheduled through a Family Council to discuss business and family matters. Create a structured agenda to ensure every participant has an opportunity to voice their concerns and suggestions. This is what the González family, owners of a coffee plantation, did. Patriarch José and daughter Mariana organized biweekly family meetings to address growing tensions about expansion decisions. During one meeting, cousin Andrés, who manages digital marketing, expressed concerns about inadequate funding for online campaigns. By addressing the issue openly, the family reallocated resources to support marketing, leading to a 20% increase in online sales.
2 Implement Crucial Accountability Conversations
Adapt the principles from Crucial Accountability to guide difficult discussions in your family business. This tactic emphasizes addressing high-stakes topics with mutual respect while holding individuals accountable for actions and decisions. In turn, defensiveness is reduced, while mutual understanding is promoted. This approach also emphasizes addressing issues like succession planning and financial equity head-on and constructively. To begin implementing this, train family members in the crucial accountability model, focusing on framing discussions around facts rather than emotions. Use role-playing exercises to practice handling emotionally charged topics. Take the case of the Ramírez family, owners of a mid-sized tequila distillery, who struggled with succession planning. Founder Héctor avoided the topic for years, fearing it would spark conflict. Son Luis initiated a crucial accountability discussion using the framework to highlight the importance of planning for long-term stability. Héctor realized the lack of succession planning jeopardized the business and agreed to outline a transition plan. Meanwhile, granddaughter Sofía, a distillery operations manager, gained clarity about her role and commitment, leading to a smoother generational shift.
“Open communication prevents misunderstandings, addresses hidden tensions, and enables proactive problem-solving. Regular family meetings could be scheduled through a Family Council to discuss business and family matters”
3 Formalize with External Advisors
Address difficult conversations openly and establish clear criteria for roles and responsibilities. Involving an impartial external advisor helps ensure transparency and professionalism. This approach helps family members proactively address leadership changes while minimizing uncertainty and conflict over expectations, ultimately leading to smoother transitions. To move toward more formalized agreements, consider hiring a family business consultant to facilitate conversations. Develop a written plan that includes timelines, role definitions, and contingency plans. For example, the López family, who run a textile manufacturing business, hired a family business consultant to mediate succession discussions. Matriarch Carmen was hesitant to step back, while her son Rodrigo and niece Daniela had conflicting ideas about the future of the business. The consultant helped clarify expectations and roles, resulting in a detailed succession plan. Carmen transitioned to an advisory role, Rodrigo assumed the CEO position, and Daniela took charge of sustainability initiatives, which boosted their market appeal and profitability.
Breaking the silence in family businesses is not merely about avoiding conflict; it is about creating an open, honest space for dialogue, accountability, and mutual respect. By fostering open communication, implementing accountability frameworks, and formalizing succession planning, families can address hidden tensions, unlock innovation, and secure a thriving future for both their business and personal relationships across generations. These are the keys to tackling the barriers that silence erects and helping your business avoid stagnation. When family members communicate openly and address crucial issues head-on, they empower one another to collaborate more effectively and make informed decisions. This, in turn, can lead to greater innovation, improved efficiency, and a stronger, more resilient family business.
Dunia Guzman
CEO & Senior Partner, Akator Consultores.
akator.com
